What Being an “Other Mother” is Teaching Me

My four-year relationship with my boyfriend has brought me many benefits, chief among them the befriending of his son. I never wanted kids of my own, mainly because it would have meant giving up my selfish, slutty ways. But when I met this kid — called W for the sake of this writing — I knew immediately that I’d have to step up my game.

W was ten when we met and is now thirteen going on a hundred. He is one of the wisest souls I’ve encountered during my time on this planet. He is also a kid, just at that point where he’s beginning to slide a toe over the line into adulthood, but still wandering the shining, strange land of childhood. It’s a beautiful, awkward time for him, a transition I feel honored to observe and, as an adult in his life, stand by with support, shared laughter, and solid boundaries. So far, being W’s guardian has taught me many things. Here are ten that top the list.

1. It’s not all about me. There are times — many times — when the kid’s needs are going to come before my own. I might “need” Boyfriend’s attention, I might “need” time to myself, I might “need” to throw a tantrum or go out with friends to blow off steam. But if W, especially when he was younger, needed time with his dad, or a meal, or a ride, or had an injury or just, for no reason at all, needs us to PAY ATTENTION — everything else pales in comparison. Especially…